The nightmare of pleasantry

   It is much too late, and I should be in bed.  It is in this time of night however, that my head races with thoughts which can not be slowed; a torrent of ideas which must be thought before my brain settles enough to sleep.  If I do sleep before this time my sleep is often restless, full of dreams and more often nightmares.  These nightmares are not the typical terrors that are generally associated with bad dreams, to an outsider these dreams would seem rather pleasant.  Sometimes pleasantness can bring far more discomfort than terror could ever imagine.  This concept seems strange, almost foreign to the realm of reality.
   We have all experienced this feeling to some degree, my brain is wired in a way which promotes this type of uneasy pleasantry.  This form of pleasantry comes from thoughts viciously circling the realm of the could have been.  There are two types of regrets, the did and the did not.  The realm of the could have been can belong to both of these regrets, it is closer related to the did nots.  The question of what would be different if you had chosen to do something which you previously decided to pass.  The realities which your mind can concoct in the answering of the question of "What if?" can often be far crueler than any terror which you can imagine, especially if you are experiencing dissatisfaction with your current state of affairs.
   This world which your mind creates as an answer to the ultimate question is where the discomfort of pleasantness exists.  The thought that if you had only made one correction in your previous actions then your life would be appealing and satisfactory. This new world creates a sense of guilt and apprehension, and a renewal of an old goal to never let another possibility like that pass you by.  To begin grabbing experiences and opportunities no matter how ridiculous they seem.  This new found conviction is always short lived, generally lasting only until you snap awake the next day.
   It is the answer to the question of what if that haunts my sleep and the realm to which my nightmares in the guise of pleasant dreams dwell.  The thoughts surrounding the events which follow conversations which were never had, opportunities which were passed, and feelings which were never shared are the demons which haunt my sleep.  I urge everybody to seize opportunities no matter how far fetched and absurd they may seem.  While there are of course exceptions to every rule, in my experience it is better to live with regrets of the did than the did nots.