whats in a thought?

    We have all been in a situation where the source or the motivation of our thoughts.  This most often happens at major decision points in our life.  Questions involving the major life decisions are often solved in the mind many times before any one decision is acted upon.  The true dilemma arises in the event that the solution to the question is seen as impossible, or absurd.  A solution such as applying for a job which is seen as  far above your qualifications, or asking a girl on a date which is considered to be far out of reach.  These are two examples, however these are far from the only applicable situations in which the dilemma of absurdity may arise.  Many of these situations can simply be dismissed by analyzing the absurdity and convincing yourself on which way to act.  The true dilemma only arises when you decide that the desirable outcome is such an improbable possibility that you decide to not act upon the act and that does not satisfy your mind.
    In this case this solution to a problem constantly arises within your mind, your mind gets trapped swirling in a sea of improbability, impossibility, or just absurd.  Its in this case that you begin to wonder what lies behind this thought.  Is it nothing more than your own doubts about your decision bringing the question once again to mind, forcing you to reevaluate your analysis and decision, or is it something different.  This is only one possibility of the source of the re-occurrence of the thought.  This means that after you reevaluate the decision a few times and come to the same decision then the following nagging occurrences can probably be ignored in exchange for peace of mind.
   There are other possibilities of the source of this idea, ones that would be dismissed by a large portion of the population.  This possibility is that the source of the thought comes from outside your own mind.  While this source can be many different things, the one which is applicable for me is God.  If the source of this thought is God then it quickly becomes apparent that the improbably possibility is that one which should be sought.  This ultimately begs one question to be asked.  How can you tell the difference between thoughts which are simply circulating your own mind, and which ones are from God.  Which ones should be dismissed due to the absurdity of them, and which should be accepted as a divine suggestion and should be followed.  This is the dilemma of absurdity.

The nightmare of pleasantry

   It is much too late, and I should be in bed.  It is in this time of night however, that my head races with thoughts which can not be slowed; a torrent of ideas which must be thought before my brain settles enough to sleep.  If I do sleep before this time my sleep is often restless, full of dreams and more often nightmares.  These nightmares are not the typical terrors that are generally associated with bad dreams, to an outsider these dreams would seem rather pleasant.  Sometimes pleasantness can bring far more discomfort than terror could ever imagine.  This concept seems strange, almost foreign to the realm of reality.
   We have all experienced this feeling to some degree, my brain is wired in a way which promotes this type of uneasy pleasantry.  This form of pleasantry comes from thoughts viciously circling the realm of the could have been.  There are two types of regrets, the did and the did not.  The realm of the could have been can belong to both of these regrets, it is closer related to the did nots.  The question of what would be different if you had chosen to do something which you previously decided to pass.  The realities which your mind can concoct in the answering of the question of "What if?" can often be far crueler than any terror which you can imagine, especially if you are experiencing dissatisfaction with your current state of affairs.
   This world which your mind creates as an answer to the ultimate question is where the discomfort of pleasantness exists.  The thought that if you had only made one correction in your previous actions then your life would be appealing and satisfactory. This new world creates a sense of guilt and apprehension, and a renewal of an old goal to never let another possibility like that pass you by.  To begin grabbing experiences and opportunities no matter how ridiculous they seem.  This new found conviction is always short lived, generally lasting only until you snap awake the next day.
   It is the answer to the question of what if that haunts my sleep and the realm to which my nightmares in the guise of pleasant dreams dwell.  The thoughts surrounding the events which follow conversations which were never had, opportunities which were passed, and feelings which were never shared are the demons which haunt my sleep.  I urge everybody to seize opportunities no matter how far fetched and absurd they may seem.  While there are of course exceptions to every rule, in my experience it is better to live with regrets of the did than the did nots.

its been a while

Seeing as its been close to a year since my last post I figured that it was a bout time that I updated this with my latest thoughts and feelings about the world and people in it. The general population of this world act somewhat like machines. They go about their daily lives doing their daily routines as if they were programmed and rarely deviating from this standard protocol of their every day lives. While there is nothing wrong with this style of life per se this style of life also begs the question what does one mean by life. Is life merely breathing and having a heartbeat or is there something more to it. Life is about living and not simply being alive. Its about the people you interact with and the lives you change (whether for the better or for the worse). Without this aspect of life then living becomes a matter of simply waiting until the terminal disease that is life eventually catches up with you, and you end up in the same state as everything else. it is for this reason that one should never put money as a priority over people and for this reason that one should never treat people as nothing more then cogs in a machine. To do so would defeat the purpose of life in either yourself or worse another. Cherish your friends and love your enemies for even your enemies teach you what it is to truly be human.

This World

People often ask me what I think of things, and very often i give them a partial answer as to give them my opinion without sparking a debate and or causing unintentional hurt feelings.  The truth of the matter is that this world disgusts me.  Everywhere you look the filth of this world has infiltrated people's life's and the very values that this world once valued are now being ridiculed and scorned.  Some things have made progress (such as equality) and for these things I stand and bow to the people brave enough to endure the ridicule and brutal conditions they were forced to live through in order to bring change.  Even in these times of great change the changes for good were not accepted, and the wide majority of the people not only opposed but militarily opposed these changes.  Why must it be that the changes for good must fight hell to simply survive while the filth of this world is decaying the structure of our society without a fight.  The age of pacifism and apathy are over, we must fight for our standards and our beliefs or they will fall.  This is not a war of bystanders we are all participants its time we start fighting.

hello innocent blog readers

Those of you who thought that the internet was a safe place were very very wrong. The internet is an insane place where anyone can say anything they want.  People like me, that nobody is even sure of their state of mind or sanity level.  We are all around you, everyone you see could be secretly insane, just smart enough to keep it hidden. We often become the geniuses of the world becasue there is a thin line between insanity and genius.  Often a very thin line, so the next time you see someone talking to themselves, or doing something you consider crazy always remember they might just have figured out the cure for cancer.